Discover who you are by letting go of what you’re not.
Published in: Change Your Mind, Change Your Life | Photo Credit: Anas Qtiesh
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Ten years ago, piles of clothes made me feel claustrophobic. While sitting on my dorm room floor, boxes and bins surrounded me. I cried in frustration at the reality of the situation. Why is this happening? How did I get here?
At the core, we’re often trying to find or define ourselves. We hope the right outfit will make us feel how we want to feel: successful, beautiful, or cool. But nothing external can satisfy us for long.
My dorm room breakdown motivated me to shift my perspective and make changes. I discovered minimalism and influencers who resonated. Piece by piece, I began decluttering and letting go.
Decluttering and organizing your wardrobe often works as a “gateway” for shaping a more intentional lifestyle. By starting with your wardrobe, you’re creating a foundation for mindful and joyful living. As professional organizer Marie Kondo describes in her Spark Joy philosophy, starting your decluttering and organizing process with your wardrobe hones your sensitivity to joy. After all, clothes are physically close to our hearts.
When I’m offering professional organizing services, I use similar methods to support clients with sorting kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms, closets, and storage spaces.
When you let go of the need to “be someone,” you start discovering who you are beneath the clothes. When you let go of things that aren’t serving you, you remove another layer of distraction from what matters most.
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1. Spend less time on clothing upkeep.
Our physical items often demand our attention. I’ve owned many highly decorative clothing items, and I often felt like my wardrobe pieces were a bit needy. The tags boldly requested that I dry clean, hand-wash, or, at the very least, wash it separately.
These days, I maintain a very simple closet. I prioritize clothes that don’t require a lot of upkeep and wash items less frequently. I don’t especially enjoy doing laundry, and owning fewer things makes the upkeep process easier.
2. Stop trying to prove your value.
In my early 20s, I dated someone who was objectively rich. I worked and hung out with another rich friend who lived in luxury apartments. I felt like the least I could do was wear fancy clothes every day, maybe trying to fit in more. I even wore heels regularly.
Though I still wear pretty and sometimes fancy clothes, my motivation feels different. I’ve grown very comfortable with repeating outfits. Accepting that my clothes would never make anyone like me more –and if they did, those were probably the wrong people– felt like a step towards self-acceptance.
You can’t control how anyone feels about you, and efforting to do so drains you.
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3. Enjoy wearing your favorite clothes daily.
If you’re like me, you have various restrictions for different clothes. For example, I had dresses I only wore when I was having a “skinny day.” Some shirts only worked with one specific pair of pants. Then I had that one oversized hoodie I only wore when I felt really “over it.”
Now, I enjoy my favorites every day. I prioritize versatile clothes that match my lifestyle. I’ve worked out two regular looks: one for work or “every day,” and an athletic or chill look. If I’m searching for a new top, for example, I make sure it matches what I already have or pass on it.
Most people seem to have their “favorite” items, no matter how many clothes they own. My brother used to have well over 50 T-shirts, yet I watched him wear the same two or three shirts on repeat. Why not enjoy your favorites every day and be intentional about it? It feels great.
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4. Save your precious time and money.
I used to love shopping. Most of the time, I found something new to add to my closet. My clothes weren’t always the highest quality, and sometimes *gasp,* I found something with the tags on that I never wore. It feels like finding rotten food in your fridge.
Now, I consistently prioritize quality over quantity. I treat clothes gently, repair items when needed, and spend much less time and money on my wardrobe.
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5. Reduce decision-making fatigue.
Seriously, how many times have you spent way too long putting together an outfit for the day? Or felt frustrated that you had “nothing to wear”?
The more decisions you have to make, the more fatigue you develop. When there are a lot of different things in terms of … what do I eat, what do I wear, what do I do with my day, especially on a day off, that can create stress, said Dr. Lisa MacLean, a psychiatrist.
No wonder many “successful” people wear the same clothes every day. Decision-making fatigue is real, painful, and unnecessary. I still mix and match my outfits for fun, yet I wear mostly the same stuff every day. Most of my things match the other pieces, so it’s pretty simple.
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6. Feel more confident in your body.
Over the years, I’ve paid attention to which styles look and feel good. I focus on working with my current shape and proportions. If you have to “adjust yourself” to look good in certain clothes, they’re not the right ones for you.
Tan France, from Queer Eye, recommends “tending to your wardrobe like a garden.” You weed out what’s not working and add one piece at a time that matches your style.
Now, I rarely think about “skinny days” because my clothes flatter my shape, even as I fluctuate about five to ten pounds. Working with your figure and creating your unique style makes it easier to let go of external expectations about how we should look.
(bonus) Here are some quick tips for starting now.
Here are a few of my favorite tips for taking the next step to declutter and organize your wardrobe:
- Try Courtney Carver’s 333 challenge and pick 33 items to wear for three months.
- Start by deciding what you need, plus a few favorites, then let go of the rest.
- Put your clothes in a pile and go through one at a time asking: “Does this spark joy?”
- Give yourself a “pending box” to revisit later. (hint: if you don’t remember what’s in the box, it’s not that important to you.)
- Leg go of any “just in case” items because that usually means “never.”
As long as you still have clothes to cover your body every day, you really can’t mess up. Plus, you never know who might need and enjoy the clothes you donate.
When you first decide whether or not to let go of something, you might feel initial discomfort. Fashion industry messages make it easy to fall into identifying with your clothes or buying way more than you need.
Yet whenever I make the decision to let go, I quickly feel a sense of freedom and spaciousness.
Clearing my wardrobe became so exciting that I let go of nearly 75% of my physical possessions. Over these last ten years, choosing to live with less has supported me as I‘ve created my most beautiful and expansive dreams. I love my simple, minimalist life.
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If you’re in the San Francisco area and interested in support or curious to learn more, I’d love to connect. You can easily book a free 30-minute call to chat about your home project and needs.